His detractors, who were as vicious as they were many and formidable, called him the "black dwarf." He was really a giant. Although his contemporaries mocked his physical appearance, he stands tall on the pages of Church history and serves to this day as a beacon of brilliant light to those who follow his Lord. Those who invest time and energy in advancing the cause of Christ do well to consider the legacy of Athanasius of Alexandria (296-373 A. D.).
Born of humble circumstances, Athanasius grew up in anonymity somewhere along the Nile River in Egypt. Acquainted throughout his formative years with ascetic hermits (reclusive, religious desert-dwellers who did not eat much) he learned early on to eschew the empty promises of material wealth. A humble, simple man, he took seriously the call to deny self and to serve Christ alone (Matthew 9:23-25).
In his Lord's service, Athanasius never attained status as a particularly eloquent speaker or sophisticated intellectual. He never seemed to comprehend the intricacies of Greco-Roman culture. He also shunned the pompous style, political machinations, and selfish ambitions typical of so many bishops of his day. While lesser men fought over church positions, Athanasius fled to the desert to hide among his hermit friends when rumors circulated that he was the favorite to succeed the dying Alexander as bishop of Alexandria. But popular support swept Athanasius into the position against his will in 328. It was the same year that Emperor Constantine lifted an earlier-imposed ban on a theologian named Arius, thus setting the stage for a major theological battle which Athanasius was destined to lead.
While lacking every seeming prerequisite, Athanasius' influence over the Church and the Roman Empire grew to immeasurable proportions. Why this was the case deserves a lengthier treatment, but three representative characteristics of this man's ministry serve to challenge servants of Jesus to this day.
First, Athanasius was a man of tenacious conviction. Most notably, he was convinced through his study of Scripture that Jesus Christ was fully God. Although this teaching was under fire by Arius and numerous emperors who believed Jesus was not God, Athanasius refused to yield. Athanasius had come to understand that the very essence of the Christian faith and the dynamic of his personal relationship with Christ hinged on this fundamental truth. "Jesus whom I know as my Redeemer," he told the Nicean council, "cannot be less than God." So while Arius proclaimed that Jesus was of a "heteros ousios" (different substance) than the Father, Athanasius passionately insisted that Jesus was of the "homo ousious" (same substance) as the Father (Colossians 2:9). From a political standpoint, the debate between Arius and Athanasius was never viewed as a petty intramural squabble between competing theologians. Since Christianity had been recently tapped as the best chance to provide cohesiveness to the crumbling Roman Empire, Athanasius suffered dearly for his divisive insistence upon the deity of Christ. Seven times, for a total of sixteen years, he was banished from Alexandria by an irate emperor. On another occasion, armed troops came to his church to capture him but his unarmed parishioners resisted the troops while a number of his associates helped him escape to the desert.
Believing the faith hinged on the difference between heteros and homo, Athanasius was vehemently accused of compromising the unity of the entire empire over a diphthong! But Athanasius was a man of deep conviction and so with great energy he continued to write and preach and testify to the full deity and humanity of Christ in the teeth of opposition from emperors and theologians alike. In the end, his firm and persevering grip on the rudder of the doctrine of the deity of Christ maintained the Church's theological course against the violent storms of the Arian heresy.
It is safe to say that Athanasius is no hero in a pluralistic day such as ours. He is a hero for those who believe in absolute truth. Athanasius knew the truth, believed the truth, and refused to relinquish it either to the interest of his own safety or to grand political purposes. His example is beneficial for Christian servants laboring in a culture that is fast losing the spiritual and psychological ballast of heart-felt conviction about anything important.
Second, Athanasius was a man of patient endurance. Under constant pressure to relinquish his beliefs and to accommodate the purposes of the empire, under constant threat of physical harm and banishment, Athanasius pastored the church at Alexandria for 45 years (328-373)! While he had every opportunity to seek greener and safer pastures, and while many wished he would, Athanasius chose to stay in the cauldron of Alexandria.
By contrast, ours is a transient, self-centered, super-sensitive day in which we are as quick to run as we are to be wounded. Certainly the time may come for a servant to leave a ministry. But Athanasius demonstrates for us the all-too-seldom-seen staying power of a servant that understands the ministry is not about ease or self-promotion but about the defense of the faith (Jude 3). Today, it seems, self-interest not truth drives our feelings and actions. For Athanasius, it was happily otherwise.
Third, Athanasius was a man of humble integrity. While he lived his life in the company of emperors and bishops, while he wrote and lectured on finer points of doctrine, while his words swayed ecumenical Church Councils and directly affected the political agenda of the Empire, Athanasius focused his energies on shepherding his flock at Alexandria. In a day of corrupt leadership, Athanasius was deeply revered by commoners for his moral integrity and devout way of life. When the emperor was warned that Athanasius boasted the power to single-handedly stop the flow of wheat from Alexandria to Rome by means of a simple appeal to the dock-workers of Alexandria, the emperor took the threat seriously.
Athanasius was, at the end of the day, a shepherd of spiritual sheep, and he never forgot it. While his theological contributions steered the course of the Church, he succeeded on the wings of popular support won in the trenches of faithful, daily ministry to common people. As these people observed the humble yet courageous devotion of a man filled with passion for the truth, they saw a living picture of Jesus and it mattered not to them what emperors or theologians thought of his credentials. Hated, banished, maligned, ridiculed, attacked, threatened - it mattered not to them, they knew the man, and they knew that man knew Jesus.
Dan Miller | Adapted from Spiritual Reflections | Featured in the Savage Pacer | Article 12; July 15, 2000.
Whether you supported the U.S. war effort to topple Saddam Hussein and his henchmen or decried that offensive as unjust, foolhardy or both, we should all agree on at least two points. First, the allied armies removed a really bad chap. Let the record show, Saddam Hussein and his Baath Party gestapo gassed, shot, tortured, dismembered, maimed, raped, fleeced, and generally bullied an awful number of Iraqis for a very long period of time. An evil dictator has fallen.
Second, removing Saddam from power has created an ominous vacuum in Iraq. Terminating Saddam's regime was dangerous and costly. But this was the easy part. Managing the vacuum his removal created and seeing that vacuum filled with something better will prove the greater challenge.
It might seem that filling your own stomach with food is about as self-oriented an act as one could perform. On the other hand few things could be more boring than watching someone else eat. It would seem to follow, then, that eating would be a private affair. But ironically eating is an inherently social activity that invites communication.
When eating, people do not typically concentrate much attention on their food (unless perhaps that food contains inordinate levels of sugar). We do not obsess with the process of satiating our hunger (unless perhaps a meal or more has been skipped). We are bent toward thinking less about the food in our mouths and a more about the persons sharing the meal with us.
This is not learned behavior. We do not view eating as a relational activity only after years of habituation mute its novelty and render it second nature (like driving a car). Just watch a table full of children eat together sometime. The food itself is the last thing on those young minds, which is one reason so much of it ends up in places other than the mouth.
Almost the only time children discuss their food together is when something "illegal" is being done with it. And in such events, communication is the inevitable outcome if not the primary goal anyway. "Watch this guys, I can fit four peas up my nose!" "Look what happens when I smash this grape under my glass." "Hey, that's my cookie, give it back." The conversation may range back and forth across a thousand topics but will rarely touch on the food itself.
It is no different for the more mature. Seldom is the food itself ever referenced at a meal unless to communicate to others the joy or displeasure one finds in it. And think about it: it makes no sense at all to meet for conversation with someone while you both stuff things into your respective mouths. Yet restaurants seem to be one of America's favorite places for brokering deals, hammering out plans, and conversing with friends. In fact wherever social conversation is encouraged there you will inevitably find people stuffing their faces with food: at weddings, funerals, parties, conferences, outings, and celebrations of all sorts.
Eating as a stimulant for communication is even displayed when we eat alone. Do you view eating alone as your coveted opportunity to think hard about the food sliding into your happy stomach? I hope not. No, you probably spread out a newspaper or magazine on the table in front of you, read a book, plop yourself in front of the television, or play a C.D. or something - surrogate conversations all! Observe sometime how many single diners in a restaurant come armed with reading material - or leave within ten minutes.
Dogs do not share their food (to state it mildly). They do not care to socialize when they eat (unless to beg). And they give near full attention to their food while eating. But observation confirms that eating is a relational event for Adam's race. Occupying our mouths with food seems to stimulate our ears. And listening aids communication. And communication builds relationships.
It is for this reason that the decline of the family dinner table constitutes a modern tragedy. Prior to the mid-twentieth century American families tended to eat together with regularity - that is to say, they talked together with regularity. But with the frenetic pace of life imposed upon us by modernization, the family dinner table has fallen on hard times.
Transitioning from a predominately agrarian culture (when even many urbanites had been habituated by farm life), work schedules began to lose their rhythm with the introduction of second and third shift jobs. Moms left home to work. Dramatic transportation improvements reduced distances and increased opportunities. And the educational and entertainment industry grew to gargantuan proportions - beckoning Americans to either amuse themselves or improve themselves every night of the week. By the mid-1950's enterprising entrepreneurs were responding to the time pressures of harried families by providing "fast food" (both frozen and hot off the grill).
About half a century later eating on the fly has become a way of life for most Americans. Family mealtime has been largely sacrificed on the altar of modernity's smorgasbord of opportunities - music, dance and karate lessons; team sports, school events, shopping malls and restaurants, to say nothing of endless entertainment options. This cacophony of opportunities exploits modern travel capacities and is scheduled across the calendar in such a way as to assure that families eat in shifts or on the run with regularity. Family communication on this fast-paced treadmill of modernity is often reduced to short discussions on how to make schedules jive.
Modernity is not evil but it is demanding. If left unchecked it has the capacity to pull a family apart at the seams. One way I believe we should push back at this force is by maintaining and nurturing the family dinner table. I'm not arguing that this table is sacrosanct. I am suggesting that families purposefully factor into their weekly routines specific times when they will eat together as a family and encourage intentional conversation. This will necessitate the prioritization of family meals over at least some developmental activities and entertainment pleasures. This will also require that parents take an active role in nurturing table talk by posing thoughtful questions and encouraging respectful listening. That may sound idealistic to some, but we must try. In that spirit, let me share with you a few table talk exercises that I have found beneficial even while fighting the chaos that seems to prevail at a table where young children are learning to eat (theoretically!).
Exercise One. Give each family member a turn to summarize his or her day and then to share a particularly interesting experience. The rule is that everyone else must listen respectfully to the one who "has the floor" and not interrupt unless to ask a clarifying question. This practice encourages the less communicative family member who might not naturally fight for a hearing or care to speak. It also reinforces the skill of patient listening and commends an atmosphere of respect for others, both of which are essential to healthy communication.
Exercise Two. Ask each family member to answer in turn the following question: "What did you do to help someone else today?" Or, "Did you ask any good questions today and what did you learn?" Posed at mealtimes with any consistency, such inquiries have a way of sticking with a child and affecting behavior. In fact, at this stage of our adventure, my children will occasionally petition me to ask these questions because they have an experience they are excited to share. In such instances table talk has served not only as a means of communication but as a stimulant for ethical behavior.
Exercise Three. One of my favorite exercises is to discuss the morning sermon after church on Sundays. It is amazing what even young children understand and what spiritual insights they discover when encouraged to form them. Start by quizzing the children on the gist of the message with mom and dad filling in the blanks. Having established the key moral imperatives of the sermon, discuss their application to daily life. This can be done effectively by posing hypothetical situations in which those imperatives can be applied. Coupled with follow up questions through the week, such table talk serves to integrate church, home, school, work, and play.
Exercise Four. It is my conviction that an emphasis on table talk which excludes God from the conversation is idolatrous. Therefore no exercise can substitute for purposefully welcoming God into the discussion by reading his Word (the Bible) at the family dinner table. God's Word certainly can be (and should be) read elsewhere and at other times. But I believe that following a meal is an ideal time for when God's Word is read (followed perhaps by responsive prayer and singing) after a season of table talk, God's communicative, relational nature is quietly affirmed. And that is beneficial: for when the day arrives that my children no longer eat at my table, I want them to have learned to talk as intimately with God as they ever did with mom and dad.
I will be the first to admit that I do not always"succeed" with these exercises. But one thing I know for sure, we are talking together as a family, routinely. And I have a deep sense this is as good as it is rare these days. I welcome many of the opportunities modernity offers, but I refuse to let those opportunities kill table talk in my home. There is simply too much at stake to let that happen.
Dan Miller | Adapted from Spiritual Reflections | Featured in the Savage Pacer | August 10, 2003
The Protestant Reformation of the sixteenth century triggered a new wave of bloody conflict in Medieval Europe - a tract of real estate along which evolving nations had marinated in a cauldron of tumult for many long, dark centuries. Protestant regions broke up Rome's monopoly on authority in Europe. But neutralizing an authority is one thing; replacing it is quite another matter and Europe tumbled into near anarchy. Nation warred against nation, and region against region, in an all-out scramble to gain control of the rudder of European destiny.
Out of the context of these chaotic and violent times sprouted a philosophy of governance know as "Monarchial Absolutism." Absolutist political theory held that Europe's only hope for avoiding anarchy was for the monarchs of the emerging European nations to wield extraordinary power. The cohesive influence Rome had once supplied to Europe could be recovered, it was proposed, by monarchs willing to impose their will with absolute sovereignty over their subjects. (One may detect a less than ideal environment for the human rights of dissenters under such a system. The half of that tragic sub-plot has never been told).
Historians generally designate Louis XIV of France (1638-1715) as the quintessential absolutist monarch. Crowned at age five (a monarchial absolutist pre-schooler - you fill in blanks!), Louis reigned in earnest from 1660 until his death. That translates into fifty-five years of absolute sovereignty over every aspect of French life. Every citizen, of what was at that time the most powerful nation on the continent, was expected to conform to Louis' every belief and to support his every decision. Imagine!
Louis occupied the renowned Palace of Versailles just outside Paris - the most elaborate construction project of the century. To this day, both the palace and grounds of Versailles constitute an unprecedented splendor. Several thousand nobles lived at Versailles in Louis' day and were attended by 4,000 servants. Louis was dressed with ceremonial attention each morning by men of noble birth. He and his fellow noblemen lived in splendorous luxury - receptions, concerts, plays, balls, gambling, hunting, and the full time sports of gossip, flattery, and licentious living filled their days.
Louis was widely known as the "Sun King" in reference to his royal emblem, which consciously chose the center of the galaxy as its distinguishing symbol. Louis was also known by his many admirers on the continent as the "Grand Monarch." To remove any doubt as to where he stood on the theory of monarchial absolutism, Louis liked to say: "I am the state." Few cared to argue the point.
But Louis' preferred title was "Louis the Great." Indeed, achieving greatness was Louis' primary vocation. A more magnificent reign can hardly be imagined.
Living under Louis' domain at the height of his greatness was a quiet monk named, Jean Baptiste Massillon (1663-1742). Massillon's gift for preaching soon elevated him to positions of high responsibility in the Roman Church. Head of the famous seminary of Saint Magloire in Paris, Massillon was appointed to serve as Advent preacher at Versaille in 1699. It is here that Louis the Great heard the gently persuasive, soul-searching preaching of Massillon, later remarking in high compliment of the preacher: "When I hear most preachers, I am contented with them, when I hear Massillon I am discontented with myself."
When Louis the Great died in 1715, Massillon was appointed to deliver the funeral oration. Revered for his funeral oratories, Massillon's task on this occasion seemed straightforward, albeit daunting: eulogize a monarch considered by many to be the greatest man on earth.
The magnificent Parisian cathedral of Notre Dame was lit by a single candle placed next to Louis' ornate coffin. Massillon symbolically extinguished that thin flame and then ascended the stairs to the pulpit. The hushed crowds sat expectantly in the darkened nave. Massillon paused dramatically to secure their attention. What words would the great preacher marshal to exalt the greatness of the greatest of all monarchs? Massillon pierced the silence with the bold declaration: "Only God is great!"
Louis' coffin bore silent witness to the temporal nature of earthly greatness. Massillon's opening declaration bore vibrant witness to the unfading truth that there is only one eternal and absolute monarch. God alone rules from heaven's throne with sovereign authority over all kingdoms (cf. Isaiah 37:20; Jeremiah 10:6-7; Daniel 3:34-35). And so, as the word of the Lord spoken through the prophet Jeremiah advises: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me ... " for God alone is great and greatly to be praised.
Dan Miller | Adapted from Spiritual Reflections | Featured in the Savage Pacer | July 17, 2004.
Tozer does not mean, of course, that one's words or actions are of little consequence. He means, rather, that one's view of God serves as the control center for one's words and actions (Luke 6:43-45; James 4:1). False views about God will naturally, and inevitably, issue forth in a lifestyle that, despite all pretensions to the contrary, dishonors God (Matthew 23:1-36). Conversely, right beliefs about God have the potential to fuel genuinely righteous deeds.
A proper view of God certainly does not guarantee godliness. Satan himself holds many orthodox views about God (James 2:19). However, false views of God lead inexorably to evil behavior. In fact, as Tozer suggests, evil behavior is always rooted in false beliefs about God.
What is a Pastor's Wife Supposed to Do?
Shepherding the flock of God can prove one of the most exciting, enriching, and satisfying duties a man can undertake on this side of heaven. Yet shepherding the flock of God is not a particularly safe enterprise. It is a life-work that exposes the man of God to a multiplicity of trials, deep disappointments, searing heartaches, and haunting questions from within and without.
The pastor serves God's people as leader, preacher, teacher, counselor, overseer and chief intercessor. He must perform spiritual surgery and apply healing balm to the souls of his people on a daily basis. And in all of this, the undershepherd bears the unrelenting burden of his accountability to the Lord of the universe for the spiritual watchcare of a flock for whom the Good Shepherd laid down his own life.
Brothers, we are not sufficient for these things, and we know it. A proud pastor is an oxymoron--or a moronic ox, if you will. None of us is either worthy or capable of such an undertaking. But God is rich in mercy. Jesus has sent the Comforter to aid us in our frailty--to counsel, encourage, strengthen and help us in the great cause to which we have been called. And for most pastors, God also graciously provides a human helper--a woman--to walk at her husband's side as his covenant helper in this grand mission to exercise stewardship of God’s flock.
The pastor's wife is certainly a rare species with a very peculiar calling. She is one flesh with the pastor. And if he is worthy of the title, this means she is one flesh with a difficult man. If she is worthy of her calling, it also means she has laid down the "normal life" on the altar and slit its throat in sacrifice to God.
The pastor's wife will often keep her husband's long hours, shoulder his pressures, feel his disappointments, and suffer his defeats--often as profoundly and as deeply as he does. She will be thrust into the role chief analyst of both his sermons and his administrative innovations. She may well be called upon to catch grammatical errors and to sniff out inconsistencies in his letters to the church, to befriend that woman in the assembly others prefer to avoid and to brainstorm solutions to problems no one else can solve.
She is often the single human agent of God who can accurately evaluate her husband from God's perspective--the single voice that helps him navigate safely through the beclouding opinions of those, on the one hand, who see not a single weakness in him; and those, on the other hand, who cannot bring themselves to admit he has a single redeeming quality. God only knows how many days a few well-chosen words of encouragement from her lips are all that stand between her husband's perseverance in the pastorate and his permanent resignation from the ministry.
I do not think pastor's wives are to be pitied, nor is pity what most of them seek. I do not propose to shield her from her responsibilities nor to eliminate the painful experiences she is called to endure for the glory of God. Such trials are intended by the Great Shepherd to deepen her faith and character. Let us make no vain attempt to exempt her from the Refiner's fire.
Yet it is fitting to recognize that her relationship to her husband places her in a uniquely vulnerable position--a reality that will concern those who genuinely love the church of Jesus Christ and long for its health. She is one flesh with the pastor, yet she is not a pastor. She is a member of the flock, yet uniquely susceptible to the pressures the shepherd of that flock endures. In this unique position she is exposed to peculiar pressures, and to not a few stray bullets.
But I submit that one of the most significant trials many pastor's wives suffer is a needless trial for which her well meaning husband is ultimately responsible. Many a pastor places upon his wife, or permits others to place upon her, ministry expectations that are not rooted in the wisdom of Scripture but are staked in the quicksand of human tradition and our cultural milieu.
The Bible pointedly addresses the functional ministry of the pastor. He is to be a man--a "one woman man." He is to lead the flock of God, to protect it, to care for it, and to feed it. He is to restore the fallen, to seek the lost, and to pursue the spiritual health of the assembly he serves. But what specifically does God want his wife to do?
I exhort those who shepherd, or someday will shepherd, the flock of God to faithfully shepherd your wife by purposefully and biblically steering her ministry in the local church you serve. By extension, I also challenge those who are actively involved in a local church to embrace a biblical philosophy regarding the ministry of the pastor's wife and to influence your assembly in that direction. I exhort you to do this for the glory of Christ and for the health of his church.
In pursuit of this goal, we ask the question: What is a pastor's wife supposed to do? What specifically is her divine calling in her unique role?
A POPULAR BUT DEFICIENT MODEL OF HER JOB DESCRIPTION
The majority of pastors around the world carry out their ministries in smaller churches. The discussion at hand may prove less applicable to those serving in larger church settings. But in smaller churches a fairly entrenched, if somewhat fuzzy, list of ministry expectations awaits the new pastor's wife upon her arrival. This unwritten job description is generally assumed. It is seldom, if ever, rationally defended. This description will vary from church to church, but it tends to reduce itself to the basic notion that she is to serve as the assistant pastor to the women.
No one, of course, will articulate this expectation, for when it is stated so baldly it rings hollow in our biblically trained ears. In fact, few if any will have ever zeroed a critical thought upon the matter. Yet many parishioners will default to the base-line expectation that the pastor’s wife should shepherd the women of the assembly.
Accordingly, her unwritten job description will ape that of her husband’s. She will be expected to serve as director of women's ministries; that is, she will guide and provide visionary leadership to the ewes of the flock, serving as ex-officio member of all women's committees. She will be expected to function in some capacity as a teacher--she will feed God’s Word to the ewes or to the lambs of the flock, and preferably to both. She will soothe the weary, protect the vulnerable, bind up the wounded, seek the lost and rescue the wandering. In a word, she will be expected to serve as the shepherdess of the church. Or, to contemporize the metaphor, she will function as the first lady or vice president of the assembly.
For young husbands who will assume your first pastorate in the near future, I implore you to enter your post armed with the assumption that an unwritten job description awaits your wife at the door. If this assumption proves wrong, happily discard your assumption and take your wife out for dinner! But if this assumption proves right, you must be prepared to actively steer your wife's ministry against the stream of expectations, perhaps less as a pastor and more as a husband who longs to honor God by loving his wife. If you do not exercise honorable leadership in this matter, your wife's ministry will undoubtedly be swept along by traditional expectations and that can lead to tragedy.
Please further understand that such leadership will prove necessary not only at the start of a pastorate but for its duration. New members will join the church with an assumed job description in mind. And if their expectations are frustrated by your wife’s actual function in the assembly, tensions may arise and threaten the health of the church. An ongoing educational process will prove necessary.
A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES
As noted, The Bible clearly delineates what a pastor is to do and reveals the nature of his work--a work that distinguishes him from other men in the assembly. For instance, he must be able to teach and he must faithfully feed God's truth to the flock by means of biblical discourse. Other men in the assembly may also teach God's Word, but this is not a moral obligation. In fact, men who are not "able to teach" will be gifted by God to minister in other capacities. For such men it can be a matter of loyalty to Christ not to teach.
But does God's Word similarly distinguish the role of the pastor's wife from the function of other women in the assembly? What does the Bible say about the nature of her work as the pastor's wife?
Proposition #1: The Bible only implicitly addresses this issue.
The obvious answer to the preceding questions is that the Bible says nothing at all! At least nothing explicitly. Unlike that of her husband, the Scriptures suggest no unique job description or peculiar function for the pastor’s wife within the assembly. Since the revelation regarding ecclesiology does not explicitly address her role in the church, I would suggest that we work from the base of biblical anthropology, inferring from that body of revelation what should be expected of her as a pastor's wife.
Proposition #2: Her ministry responsibilities within the assembly are of the same nature as those of every other woman in the church.
I believe sufficient light shines from at least two passages of Scripture to confirm this proposition.
Titus 2:3-5: "Older women . . . are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."
Paul's admonition indicates that the task of the pastor's wife, even when viewed from the context of the local church, is to grow in godly character and to cultivate a proper relationship with her husband and children. As regards teaching in the assembly, she is to be encouraged to instruct the younger women. But interestingly enough, this particular admonition from Paul indicates that the young pastor should perceive his wife as a student of the older women in the church before she qualifies as a teacher of adult women.
Yet sadly it is not unprecedented for a 25 year-old woman to be immediately collared with the responsibility to serve as primary teacher of, and counselor to, the women of her church or even for her husband to resent the fact that a much older woman in the assembly does not willingly yield this position to the pastor's wife. Although no one would even think to entrust such a responsibility to any other woman of similar age, this great expectation is placed upon her by mere virtue of the fact that she is married to the pastor. We should recognize, vis-a-vis the common practice, that it is not at all wrong for the younger pastor's wife to enter the church as a learner. In fact, Paul's instructions to Titus seem to assume this for the case of a young pastor's wife. The women of the church should seek her counsel and encourage her instruction because they have come over time to discern that she is a wise woman, not merely because she is married to the pastor.
1 Timothy 3:1-7: While each of the requirements for an overseer touches the man's relationship to his wife in some respect, notice particularly verses 4-5: "[An overseer] must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?"
Even a modest season of reflection on verses 2-7 will reveal the vital role the pastor's wife must fulfill. The stability of the pastor's home is a necessary requirement for his ongoing ministry and she is obviously a major contributor to that stability. We should carefully consider the profound implications of the fact that her efforts in the home directly influence his capacities to lead the flock of God. In her role as wife, her daily labors serve to maintain her husband's qualification to shepherd God's flock by helping him remain faithful as the shepherd of his home.
Every pastoral couple wants to hear the accolade: "she is a really good pastor's wife." But there are ample false criteria upon which such a judgment is popularly based. Too often such status is conferred on the mere determination that she is a good listener, or a faithful friend to other women, an effective speaker, or a skilled musician, a stunning administrative organizer, or simply a woman who is "really, really busy serving God."
On the authority of God's Word, I propose that she is a good pastor's wife only insofar as she is a faithful helper to her husband, a diligent keeper of her home, a godly mother to her children, and a solid force in keeping her husband qualified for ministry by edifying his home. Though she teach with the tongues of men and of angels, though she prove earth's very best friend, though she win scores of souls to Christ, though she organize one mean potluck dinner, if she is not a success as the God-given helper to her husband and mother to her children, she is not a good pastor's wife.
One ancillary word of advice to unmarried men headed for vocational ministry: do not be overly exercised with finding a woman who can wax eloquent on theology or who boasts some profound ministry skill. Find a woman who genuinely loves God, who longs to serve him, and who glories in her God-given mission as her husband's helper. If she is willing to follow you anywhere God leads you and if she is willing to enthusiastically orient her life to yours as God-ordained helper, she is a theologian of rare quality and will minister to others with uncommon skill. Said another way, draw your sense of virtue from the unsullied fount of Proverbs 31, not from the broken cistern of corporate America's model woman.
Married pastors, permit a further word of exhortation at this point. It is your responsibility to steer your wife's ministry and to help her to see the stellar importance of her function as a wife and mother. Many will quickly place untold expectations upon your wife if they are permitted to do so--expectations which if fulfilled will render it virtually impossible for her to succeed as a noble wife and mother. Under the pressure of such expectations, the ministry of a pastor's wife can directly harm the ministry of her husband, often subtly turning him into her helper.
If her ministry responsibilities are permitted to overtax her ministry to her family, she may begin to tear down her home rather than to build it up. And she may even sense that this is happening. Such realizations will inevitably lead to deep discouragement and disillusionment, particularly when there seems to be nothing she can do about it. Ironically, the chief culprit in all this is often the man who shares her bed every night. He has permitted others to dictate her responsibilities and has thus fumbled his responsibility as her loving head.
Let us affirm that the primary duty of the pastor's wife is not to fulfill the expectations of the church or to serve as shepherdess, but rather to pursue, as one Puritan pastor put it, "connubial felicity." But understand, it is not her job alone to set her course in this direction. Ultimately, this charting must be initiated by her husband and promoted by discerning men of the assembly.
At this juncture, just suspicion may be rising in the minds of some. Perhaps you are thinking: "I wonder if he just wants to protect his wife and excuse her lack of involvement in the church? Maybe he is arguing this way in order to defend his "cozy little family" ideal and to assure that his wife never gets her feathers ruffled. Maybe she just shows up at services like the Queen Bee and sits in the front row while others do all the work." Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I believe that if a pastor leads his wife faithfully, she will be a model of fruitful and energetic ministry in the church. This leads to a third proposition.
Proposition #3: Her ministry responsibilities within the assembly are to reflect the specific function for which God has uniquely gifted her.
Like every other woman in the assembly, the pastor's wife is to diligently pour out her life in service to God as the Spirit has equipped her to serve in that particular body of believers.
1 Corinthians 12:4-7, 18-20: "Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good . . . But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body."
Consider carefully the Spirit's words: "God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose." God has a specific purpose for the unique ministry capacities with which he has sovereignly equipped each pastor’s wife. She should thus serve in accordance with God's gifting as a member of the body in which he has placed her, not in accordance with human expectations of responsibilities inhering in her supposed position.
If she is a hand, she should serve as a hand, not as a knee, and not in any event as pastor to the women! If she is gifted in behind-the-scenes ministry, she should be released to pursue such endeavors without guilt. If she is not a teacher, not a leader, not a bold recruiter, it is a mistake to force her into such functions simply because she is the pastor's wife. If she thrives on teaching and visionary leadership, she should be loosed to these endeavors and pointed to glory. Although, if her capacities lie in such areas, a note of caution should be sounded. A pastor's wife who excels in the spotlight may struggle mightily in her role as submissive helper to her husband. It may prove considerably tempting for a woman thus gifted to find her fulfillment in the praise and responsiveness of the women of the church (and other churches) while downplaying the significance she attaches to Proverbs 31-type praise from the lips of her husband and children who rejoice in the benefits of her private ministrations to them (vs 28).
The crux of the issue is: what has God gifted her to do? She should be empowered and encouraged by her husband and the church to do that. What God has given her to do may not be what the previous pastor's wife was gifted by God to do. And if not, resistance may be forthcoming from some in the assembly. But pastors, remember that God has providentially assigned your wife to minister to this particular body, and he may well have gifted her to minister differently than the previous pastor's wife. She is not the previous pastor's wife. She is not your home-church's pastor's wife. She is your wife. And she is who she is by the grace and ordination of God.
Permit me to address another potential misconception at this point. My burden is not that most pastor's wives are overworked. As far as I am concerned, we should all work ourselves to death in some aspect of God's cause. Anathema to the culture of ease and safety so many pastors and their wives are embracing these days. The pastorate should never be viewed as a profession we perform for a time in order to accumulate wealth and maintain optimal health for retirement.
My burden is, rather, that many good women are pressured to perform duties they are ill-equipped to handle and are loaded down with expectations they could not possibly fulfill. A sweet spirit and a servant’s heart enable many of these same pastor's wives to shoulder tremendous pressures with stoic resolve. But when she suffers under unbiblical expectations, the inevitable result is a deep seated frustration and fatigue leading to diminished effectiveness in her function as wife and mother. Such a condition, in turn, diminishes her husband's capacities to pastor, thus harming the very church she is struggling so hard to serve. This all-too-common phenomenon is particularly troubling when she is performing functions (out of deference to traditional expectations) which other women in the assembly are better equipped to perform.
A WORD OF PERSONAL TESTIMONY
How I thank God for godly men who surround me in the church I shepherd and are appropriately vigilant in their protection of my wife. This is nothing other than the grace of God. They concern themselves to protect her against unwarranted expectations and consistently encourage her in the use of her gifts--which only heightens her enthusiasm for ministry. I marvel at the energies she expends in the cause of Christ. But I also smile as I see her doing what she loves to do, and to see a church leadership that encourages her at every turn.
Beth was only 25 years old when I accepted the call to pastor the church we serve to this day. She was a godly woman, mature beyond her years. But Beth was the polar opposite of the previous pastor's wife. Upon assuming leadership of the church, I had a difficult choice to make. I could encourage Beth to assume the various functions of the previous pastor's wife, or I could loose Beth to use her unique abilities to the glory of God--most of which are behind-the-scenes type of gifts. Convinced the latter approach had the smile of God, I purposefully resisted asking anyone what the previous pastor's wife did and steered Beth to "do her thing." Not everyone appreciated my approach.
Soon after commencing our ministry, I was visited in my office by a concerned couple. They came with a long list in hand to object, in part, to Beth's ministry to our assembly. I listened to their concerns, noting that not one word of objection regarding Beth addressed any moral deficiency or even immaturity on her part. I pointed out to this couple that the list of expectations they had read to me were an apt description of the ministry of the previous pastor's wife. She was a remarkable woman and I continue to rejoice with the ways God used her gifts to his glory. But there is a reason my wife was not leading the women's Bible study, not teaching Sunday School, and not performing functions of highly visible leadership in the church: she has not been gifted by God to do so. She has no sense of divine calling to function in such capacities.
After detailing a long list of vital ministries Beth was actively performing behind the scenes, the surprised couple before me queried why I did not broadcast all of this to the assembly in order to make Beth's service more visible. They posed a valid concern, but I reminded them that she was not serving to be seen. She was serving precisely as her husband and pastor desired, in accordance with her God-given gifts.
That was a defining moment in our ministry. This couple was not to be blamed. We shared an honest, frank discussion that ended amicably enough. But I remember to this day the temptation to yield to the pressure and to make substantial adjustments, bending Beth into the mold of popular expectations. And the truth is, she would have cooperated fully--to her detriment, to the church's detriment, and to mine. But by God's grace I held my course against that stiff gale. I chose to shield my wife from unfounded expectations and to give her wings to fly with her God-given gifts. And she has soared!
Only on rare occasion has Beth led a woman's Bible study, but she is my most trusted counselor of women, displaying time and again a firm grasp of the proper application of biblical truth to daily life. She has never spoken at a ladies retreat (not yet!), but now that she is middle-aged, she is enjoying a fruitful one-on-one ministry to younger women in our church. She has never served as a Sunday School teacher, but she has rendered care to many children in our home and has profoundly influenced many of them in the ways of God. Why she has no interest in standing before others and speaking when she has so much to say, I will never understand. Why the woman who delivers so many "home runs" during informal counsel has so little capacity to address an assembled audience, I will never comprehend. But God does, and that’s all that matters.
Beth has never personally organized an all-church meal, although she is always found helping at such meals and has won many hearts with her cooking (some of our "Men's Breakfast" faithfuls have to be restrained from canonizing her!). While she has never provided visionary leadership to any particular ministry, countless are the people she has built up and helped through various spiritual and physical trials. She is one of the hardest working women I have ever known and she is a strong force for God in our church.
But above all else, I can say with full conviction that any success I have known as a pastor has more to do with the kind of woman Beth is in our home than with any skill I may possess or any effort I may have made in ministry. At every turn, in countless ways, she makes me a better pastor and a better man. I could never use my capacities in the way I use them if she was not the wife and the mother that she is every day of her life.
And she is happy in all of this. And in all of this we feel the smile of our Creator. He it is who designed for Adam a suitable helper. He it is who described the noble wife as one who orients her life to her husband and brings him good, not calamity, all the days of his life. He it is who gave us the vision that a husband can be respected in the city gates because of what his wife accomplishes from home-base (cf. Proverbs 31). How happy are they whose God is the Lord!
I do not broadcast the joys of candy because everyone understands that joy without hearing from me. I broadcast the joys of my relationship to Beth in the context of ministry because it pains me that so many do not seem to experience our joy.
I remember speaking some years ago to a 23 year-old pastor's wife. She was ecstatic with the opportunity she and her new husband had to serve God’s people. The prospect of life together in the service of God is a hope difficult to match and her exuberance indicated as much. But not long after that conversation, Beth and I spoke again to this same woman. Her enthusiasm for ministry had vanished. She relayed to us the horrors of ministry in a church which was placing expectations upon her no young woman could possibly meet to anyone’s satisfaction. Blinded by tradition and blinded to his responsibility as her protector, her husband offered his wife no help. She was on her own and suffering. And today he is on his own--suffering the consequences of a bitter divorce.
By no means do I intend to suggest the church this man served was responsible for this couple's divorce. Nor do I intend to suggest this pastor's failure to steer his wife's ministry in the assembly was the root cause of their marital demise. I do believe, however, that traditional expectations concerning the supposed job description of a pastor's wife contributed to this couples divorce and resulted in no small loss to their church's health and no small assault on the glory of God in the community they were seeking to reach for Christ.
I am convinced that confusion regarding the role of the pastor's wife is systematically hindering the cause of Christ in far too many churches. We must get the job description of the pastor's wife right. There is too much at stake to ignore this matter--not the least of which is the honor of Christ whose body we serve and whose wisdom we ride to glory.
Her job? She is the pastor's wife, nothing more. She is the pastor's wife, nothing less. As she faithfully fulfills this high and noble calling, as she runs her race in order to enhance her husband's effectiveness in ministry, she will receive no accolades from her culture and few if any from those believers whose traditional expectations she disappoints. But as she honors her Maker's design and faithfully pours out her skills in the advancement of the Church for which Jesus died, she will feel the pleasure of God. And that is all that really matters here, and all that will matter for eternity.
This article is adapted from a lecture Pastor Dan Miller delivered at the Foundations Conference of Central Baptist Theological Seminary on October 14, 2003.
Scripture quotations are from the English Standard Version | Last updated September 19, 2006
As perhaps nothing else, unjust suffering exposes the heart. In recent days we have witnessed this maxim in unprecedented ways.
On September 11, terrorist acts submerged our unsuspecting nation into a cauldron of shocked disbelief, bitter anguish, seething anger, and gnawing uncertainty. These acts also wrenched open a window into America's soul that had been painted shut for a long time. Passions of patriotic zeal, life-sacrificing courage, and fraternal compassion-all of which typically flow undetected below the surface of the American spirit-were suddenly exposed to plain view.
This exposing of America's heart will certainly continue into the future, and not always with satisfying results. Our suffering has already exposed (again) individuals in our society who display an infantile inability to distinguish criminals from law-abiding citizens within the strictures of any racial or religious group other than their own.
It is high time tribute was given to a group of unsung heroes. It is time you were honored as the true warriors you are. You are the parents who faithfully transport little bodies with you to a house of worship week after grueling week.
By "little bodies" I do not refer to children capable of dressing, bathing, and wiping themselves. I do not refer to children whose eating habits resemble that of Homo sapiens. Parents of such "big kids" have it easy-at least the physical part. I speak rather of those who face not only the daunting task of getting themselves to church on time, but also must dress, change, feed, bathe, carry, and cajole young children to join them each week. For you, attending church is easy; getting to church comprises your own weekly episode of "Mission Impossible."
You have come to realize the uncanny relationship between getting children to church on a Sunday morning and the world as you know it falling apart at the seams. Prior to parenthood, I used to scoff at those who applied the "devil-made-me-do-it" excuse to the actions of their children. I scoff no more!
My initiation into this fraternity came innocently enough on a Wednesday night some years ago. As an enthusiastic young father, I was doing my part and changing my son's diaper just minutes before we absolutely had to leave for our mid-week prayer service. As I pulled off the old and got set to put on the new, I stood before the changing table perpendicular to my reclining progeny. I was blissfully ignorant of the effects cold air tends to have on infant bladders! A moment later, as I frantically toweled urine off my face and sponged it out of my left ear, I wondered how such a disaster could possibly take place at such a singularly inopportune moment. I had not come to learn that the word "inopportune" is inextricably linked to the execrative functions of children in the context of appointment keeping-"Rookie!"
You know the routine. Somehow, mysteriously to be sure, one of the pair of dress shoes that everyone tripped over for much of the preceding week has disappeared into thin air. I mean, it has vanished. Gone. Its only hope is to be unearthed by archaeologists in a future civilization.
An alternative pair of shoes is found ("sneakers will just have to do, we are going to be late again"). You take off the shoe whose mate is lost, tie on the first shoe of the alternative pair, then grab its mate only to discover that the laces are in a Gregorian knot! In anxious frustration you finally succeed in untying the knot at the very moment someone discovers the originally missing dress shoe in a potted plant! Off come the sneakers.
And just think, within the hour a clueless pastor is going to suggest that this very brain of yours should concentrate on the doctrine of ecclesiology as developed in the Apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesians! Might not such a radical shift of mental gears ruin one's cerebral transmission?
Potty trainers present unique challenges. After what seems like hours of hard labor, your little one finally stands at the door virtually immobilized by thermal hat, coat, gloves, and boots. "Only two minutes behind, I think we can make it, I think we can make it," you mutter under your breath. Then, just as you approach the door to leave, your little insolated statue announces with muffled voice that he must "powder his nose"-and quick! Off come three-quarters of the clothes you have just expended three zillion calories to put on.
Finally, your little enthroned trainer is finished, redressed, and stood back on his feet again-only to realize that in the confusion, little sister has tested the limits of her diaper and found it wanting. Frantic now, the messy one is rushed to the changing table while the thermal-clad statue topples over, unable to rise but quite capable of raising the roof!
By the time you reach church, you've been through war. And there may be a little voice in your weary head that whispers: "Why in the world do you do this? The kids will remember little or nothing from these days, and you are way too stressed-out to benefit yourself. Just stay home next week!"
If you fight this war, permit me to commend your heroic efforts and offer a few words of encouragement. First, I encourage you to remember that your efforts to get to church-despite the challenges little ones present-witness to what is really important to you. There are few things that test your resolve like children, and nearly everything about children militates against weekly church attendance.
But remember that little ones keep us from doing nothing we deem absolutely essential. In fact, unlike parents with older children (who presumably benefit more directly from the ministry of a church), you who haul very little children to church with you week-in and week-out attest directly to your commitment to seek God. You do not attend church because of its particular benefit to your children; not yet. You do not attend church because it is convenient. You attend (I trust) because you desire to know God and worship him in spirit and truth (Hebrews 10:24,25). I commend your personal commitment.
Second, I laud you for deciding for your children that they will be in church. We do not permit our young children to "decide" whether or not they will play on a busy street. We do not allow them to "decide" if they will steal a candy bar from the grocery store. We are not even permitted to grant them the "decision" to renege on an elementary education. And I applaud those parents who realize that young children are similarly not capable of "deciding" whether or not they should enjoy a spiritual heritage.
Children simply do not posses the native ability to insightfully judge the importance of church life in their nurture. Such insight must be provided for children by parents who love their kids enough to say, "we are going to church" (Ephesians 6:1-4).
Third, never forget that you are, even now, sowing seeds that may well bear rich spiritual fruit in your children's lives some day. Remember that important lessons are taught to our children in the mundane consistency of what we keep on doing against the odds. It can be exasperating to get young children to church each week, but as you do, never forget God's promise: "And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not lose heart" (Galatians 6:9).
Take heart, O thou warriors of the little-people wars! The battle belongs not to the faint of heart. Be strong, and never doubt that each battle is worthy of your heroic efforts because this war is a just war. And having fought it nobly, may the next generation rise up and call you blessed (Proverbs 31:28).